bus' blog
I wish i could disapear.
I wish i could disapear into an attentionless void, from the people i don't like and that don't like me. I have no doubt the ones who don't like me must think the same. I like the bustling city, but i value solitude more. Solitude is something you cannot live without. Without solitude, you are an object moved by other peoples thoughts.
Driven like a car; Imbued like a body. Solitude, otherwise, is the ticket to freedom.
To be a free agent. To think alone. Aren't we all supposed to want this? Is it not supposed as a cornerstone of Western culture? That 'L' word -what was it again? - Liberty? Freedom?
Freedom to express your ideas is rightly held. But don't we need freedom to come up with our own ideas in the first place?
The brain is expansive; it creates shocks and waves. You may not think it, but your day to day has an influence. That's why newspapers will send a journalist to live in a specific region, financial institutions do the same thing with analists, they want their finger on the pulse.
The city is a living breathing thing - everyone knows that. But the country side is also. After all, have you ever ridden on a train that takes you away from the arteries, amongst the capillaries? Nooks and creeks. Your thoughts create the pattern of your movement - where you go. And they will effect the pattern of your childrens' as well too. Thats why you need to teach them the power of solitude; You don't want them thinking for themselves.
Its not that im scared of others - im not (defensively so). But i am used to acting in a perfectly curated manner. If i cannot maintain that manner then i don't want to be interacted with.
But we might not always get what we want.
A few weeks ago i was on the bus and the woman in front of me became suddenly silent and seemed embarrassed, before they were chatting with their friend but now they seemed cold. It was only after i saw this reaction that i recognised them as someone who had once wronged me long ago.
It may be that trying to avoid attention is the quickest way to draw attention to yourself.
In that case i want more attention.
9月22日26年.